I See Me

Last night, a fellow alcoholic shared his story, which at first, I thought wasn't going to have any impact on my life, but as usual I was wrong. He said that it wasn't when he was at home alone that he felt the urge to drink, it was when he had a case of the ISM's. "What the hell are the ISM's?" I wondered.
He explained that when he would start drinking again, he would look back and only see himself and his wants, "I See Me" is how he put it. At first it didn't digest, denial is easy, acceptance is tough, but it started sinking in.
I have been selfish, both with my love and understanding. I haven't sat down and thought about solutions, I would sit down and drink the problems away. The problems were never going away, sure they would be swept under the rug, but they were still there. It takes time to realize this, it takes even longer to come to terms with it. With the problems still there, I have to sit down, evaluate, and repair problems that I have ignored for over 20 years. I have a tough road ahead, but I am willing to at least give it a try.