Support from Others

Last night, while at home I realized that I really needed a better support line than what I had. I was sitting with my wife, and trying to explain what was going on in a meeting with her, and also discussing times I needed to be out. After informing her of different things I needed to do to better myself, she responded with a line similar to, "when do I get time to do what I want?"
At that moment, I was completely shocked. My wife has always done her own thing, from going out and getting coffee, working out, visiting family,working out of the country, to having time for a side business. I would never do anything, hell, I was happy because I could drink longer, and do what I wanted. I had never thought my wife was callous and uncaring until then. Here I was trying to get help for an addiction, and I was being told it was taking up too much of my time!
She apologized, knowing what she said was wrong, but it really put some thoughts into my head. Is she right for me? What have I not been seeing or hearing when I was drunk? Does she really care? These are some tough questions, and need some processing. I knew our relationship wasn't in the best of shape, hell, I won't lie, it's damn close to the big D word. I am trying to make amends for my past, but in the end, forgiveness can only be given by the ones you transgress against. It is pretty much my fault on this, I have been drunk most of the time I have been with her, but those moments where clarity and understanding have shown through, I have always loved her and supported her. I think that the bad times have outweighed the good, and that I need to make an effort lest my marriage tumble and break for good.
I am trying, as hard as I can, I am trying to better myself. Perhaps I need that extra help from some higher place, some Higher Power, but I just don't know yet, I am stubborn. I need to talk to some people, to actually pour my heart out, and fill it with the wonders I had when I was a kid. I need that, desperately.